The Lord’s Fortress

I had been a little bit back and forth on whether to go to Uplistsikhe (which means the Lord’s Fortress), since on the face of it - an ancient cave town - it sounds very similar to Vardzia, so I wondered if it was worth the effort. Turns out it was my favourite place on the trip so far. While superficially similar to Vardzia indeed, the experience was quite different. The caves in Vardzia are hollowed out of the cliff face, so you reach them by mostly narrow paths on the edge of the cliff, rarely going deep into the cave system. In Uplistsikhe, by contrast, you essentially stand on top of the hill and clamber up and down to see individual caves. This was what made Uplistsikhe so much fun - we were really just scampering about on top of this cave town like a couple of kids. And while Uplistsikhe is a lot more accessible than Vardzia, and therefore busier, the open layout meant it didn’t feel crowded. 

Uplistsikhe contains structures dating from the Early Iron Age to the Late Middle Ages, although since we didn’t have any audio guide or other information, I couldn’t tell you which is which, with exception of the brick church in the middle, which was built in the 9th - 10th centuries. Arriving at the site is a surreal experience. One minute we were driving through green fields and streets hung with vines, then you turn a corner and suddenly you’re in a landscape that looks like something out of Westworld (or Utah, where I think it’s filmed). Suddenly it’s all bare rock formations, but once you’re actually up on the hill you get a vista of a lush green river valley that looks like a savanna. It really wasn’t hard to see why our ancestors would have chosen such a place to settle: shelter, defensibility, water access and presumably hunting opportunities back in the day. 

Arriving at Uplistsikhe, you suddenly go from this 

To this:

Some top notch site security

Some of the fancier caves had a bit of interior decoration going on 

A qvevri, the clay vessel used to make traditional Georgian wine. (Really traditional - the earliest found go back to the 6th millennium BC!)

I can just imagine gazing at this first thing in the morning and then leaping into action to hunt a deer or something

It was hella windy up there

Visions of Dali in this rock formation

Premium cave real estate

Tunnelling out








Disclaimer: this actually happened in Vardzia, but I forgot to put it in the blog, so I’ll put it in here. On the way out, a Russian mother and teenage daughter semi cut in line in front of us (that thing where you’re approaching from different directions, but instead of doing the polite ‘you first’, they just put on a burst of speed to make it there in front), and the teenage girl had a small wearable speaker strapped to her leg. That part is obnoxious enough, but the really weird part is that, of all things, she was rocking out to Love Potion no. 9...??? Thankfully we were leaving while they were arriving!

2 fast 2 4tresses

After Vardzia, there was some debate about whether to call it a day or push on to make the most of our time in the region. We reached the compromise of just driving back up to Khertvisi Fortress and having a look from the outside. A look from the outside led to a short walk up a steep hill, which led to going into the fortress. Luckily it’s small and free and is indeed worth the small outlay on your calf muscles on the way up.

Khertvisi is one of Georgia’s oldest fortresses, originally dating back to the 2nd century BC. Legend has it that it was destroyed by no less than Alexander the Great (pretty neat). It was rebuilt and laid waste by Mongols and Turks over the years, going into decline before regaining some strategic importance in the 19th century as a base for Russian and Georgian troops. It sits high on a hill in the ancient Meskheti region of Georgia, overlooking the Mtkvari River. (I met someone who said I had very good pronunciation of Georgian place names, but damned if I know how to pronounce that either.)

After the fortress, we crossed over the world’s wobbliest footbridge for a sit down and an ice cream beside the river. 

We were amazed to see someone make the crossing on motorbike (!)


Cold on the piggies!

That night, I was struck down by the dreaded Delhi Tbilisi Belly, from sources unknown. I privately blame the beef dish that appeared on our dinner table for the second night in a row, but I suppose it could be anything. I’m a bit annoyed though. I’ve survived the likes of Albania, Ukraine, Russia, Thailand and Morocco without turning a hair, only to be laid low by Georgia! I was pretty sick for the next three days, but we bravely soldiered on, not least because we had another hotel to get to in a city 4 hours away. 

Jules still persuaded me to visit Rabati Fortress on the way, but I’ll put the fact that I look a bit wan and am wearing the same clothes as the day before down to feeling a bit under the weather. Anyway, fortress #2 was originally built in the 9th century and called Lomisa Castle. However, after surviving attack by Tamerlane in the late 14th century, it was given over to the Ottoman Empire after the Treaty of Constantinople in 1590 and completely rebuilt. Today, its style offers a delightful little slice of the Ottoman Empire in Georgia, including a central mosque. 

The fortress was extensively renovated/reconstructed early this decade. This usually bothers me quite a bit, but in this case it seems to have been sensitively done and the site is so pretty that if you take it on its own terms as a reconstruction, it’s still well worth a visit, even if not quite authentic. You can see pictures of the works in progress  here (Fun fact for Francophiles and maybe people of a certain age - the reconstruction was inaugurated with a Charles Aznavour concert, as his father was born in the town!)

Honeymoon's over (as far as the blog's concerned)

So here we are at last, just one month shy of our first year anniversary (zomg!) and it's my official last post of the honeymoon. For our anniversary we're off to Georgia (the country) and I'm crossing my fingers to manage to blog it live(ish) as we go.

Our last honeymoon activity (besides driving home) was a walk on the Museggmauer, the 14th century city wall which offers beautiful panoramic views of the city. Four of the nine towers on the wall are open to visitors in summer, and they're free! (Who said Switzerland was expensive?)

Jules in front of the Zytturm (clock tower). It houses Lucerne's oldest city clock, built in 1535. My favourite fact about the Zytturm clock is that it has the "right" to chime one minute before all other public clocks in Lucerne. I'm not sure whether it goes early or the others go late, but either way, it seems prestige counts for more than accuracy in this corner of Switzerland. 

The clock's so impressive it needs a pair of giants to hold it up. It was made to be large enough for even the fishermen on the lake to read the time

View from the Zytturm on the wall below

Jules being manly at the Männliturm

The views from the 33 metre-high Männliturm are SPECTACULAR. There was a wee bit of waiting around at the top as people lined up to take the best selfies, but it's well worth it.

The Männliturm from outside

The Schirmerturm, dating to 1420, traditionally marked the entrance to the city from the surrounding countryside. It also has some lovely views.

It was mid-October by this time, still beautiful, warm and sunny as you can see, but with autumn foliage appearing

The Watchtower or Heu (Hay) Tower was formerly used to store gunpowder. Disaster struck (literally) in 1701 when the tower was hit by lightening, causing the gunpowder to explode and rain chunks of stone on to the city below, causing considerable damage and some loss of life. 

Apart from the exploding tower, a fabulous end to a fantastic trip. I couldn't have asked for a better honeymoon, nor, of course, a better husband to share it with 😍