So in a way it was at least good that I didn't have to make a decision on what to do. But on the other hand, now I have to move. I really like this apartment for one, and moving is a giant hassle for another. I have started looking at flats, and, while maybe I'm being too fussy, they all kind of suck. Either too small or badly situated or seem too noisy or too hot or too expensive, and then as I said, there's the problem of furnishing them, especially as several I've seen don't even have so much as a fridge or a couple of burners to their name. The French really take 'unfurnished' seriously...
Above all, it's just stressful. I'm not sleeping very well, as you can tell from the 2.45 am posting, I'm teary and not concentrating at work. Yesterday I was only actually at work for about 5 1/12 hours between apartment viewings, and spent half of the morning answering my phone. In a way, I don't care, and no-one's likely to say anything, but it does pretty much take the piss. I don't feel psychologically ready to make a decision, partly because I don't yet have everything firm in my mind about whether I might be able to stay on here, and partly just the whole "I don't want to move" thing. I saw one place yesterday where they were very keen to have someone sign the contract for tomorrow (1st July), there was another guy viewing the place who was very eager, and I was just struggling not to cry because I felt so pressured by the situation and the guy questioning me about how quickly I could come up with a deposit and all about how much I made etc. etc. He even asked if he could call me early tomorrow morning - "would about 6 am be okay?" I actually blurted out "oh God no" in English and then clapped my hand over my mouth ha ha. I don't think he understood me though!
Am feeling increasingly bitter towards Géraldine. She has apologised, but has yet to ask me about what I'm going to do and how I'm coping. On Tuesday after I got the phone call, I was worried and texted to ask if she was okay - it was getting quite late and I was imagining her really upset somewhere. Then she comes in and is all "oh, I don't know what the problem with the guarantor is, I haven't been able to talk to my dad yet, that's probably why he said no". Firstly, why haven't you talked to him? It had been almost a week by then and the agent obviously had managed to speak to him. And secondly, either she's in denial about the situation or is just not taking it seriously. Not that I want her to be weeping and begging my forgiveness at every turn, but it doesn't seem fair that she seems to be all "oh like, whatever" about the situation when I'm so stressed out - and I don't have the luxury of having family I can go to. She hasn't offered me any help finding somewhere or finding someone to live here, or to give (or at least sell) me any of her furniture and stuff if she is going to move in with her parents. I feel like I've been very understanding and concerned about her and I'm just not getting any of that back, even though she's the one who's completely screwed up my life (and I know that sounds VERY dramatic - I don't mean my entire life forever and ever, I just mean my life as it is right now in this apartment, I just don't know how else to put that).
Anyway, I'm pretty upset so I'll leave it there. For what it's worth, Strasbourg was nice, I managed to relax and forget about all this temporarily, which was good. Even managed a few cultural things between stuffing myself with Alsatian food.